… Bursting the silence
Tongue Tied
Quite recently, I get disappointed with myself, whenever I fail to do at least 1 new blog post for a week (now it’s been over 2 weeks and no post). Fortunately or unfortunately, this time around I can’t blame it on any technical problem, or reason beyond my control.
The truth is I’ve been a little distracted. I’ve just not been able to write, though I had quite a number of things I felt like writing about.
My last article was on integrity in leadership, I wished to write something related- something about responsibilities and opportunities for leadership in our everyday Christian lives; I also have been moved lately to write about some of my personal concerns for my country Nigeria, and even, had other ideas for poetry, So I didn’t really lack subject or inspiration. Yet I couldn’t engage my self, every time I put down one or two lines, my thoughts strayed.
Breaking the spell
Well, I eventually drafted a poem yesterday morning (3:25am). I wasn’t able to get back to sleep after I was roused to a client’s phone call coming in a few minutes before 12:00am. After the call, few minutes past 1:00am came a nudge in my heart to pray, it eventually game me the inspiration to write as well, I used a jotting pad and my mobile phone’s tiny torch. ‘Restore my soul‘, it wasn’t anything I had in mind to write, but admittedly this past week or two, my distraction has not only disrupted me from writing and work, but still even worse, my spiritual fellowship.
So what was my distraction? Majorly, I guess I’ve been shamefully… well, troubled over a long term ailing romance… what!!! Yep! I apologize if I should. A relationship. We both love each other, me and this wonderful, beautiful lady, but there has been complicated issues, and recently I’ve been getting really frustrated and sad about it. My frustration has been compounded with numerous minor needs (or lusts), up until devotion became too difficult (my reading of the bible and meditation has been very inconsistent and prayers have been mumbled half-heart-ed sentences) lately.
Restore my soul
Something good happened only few nights ago though, she called me on phone, we spoke for almost two hours, recalling old times, and then, the last thing she said was that she sincerely loved me: it was shocking for me to hear hey say that again after such a bad long break (we really had a huge storm since last year, during my NYSC program and we’ve not been able to recover). Now hearing her made me come alive again suddenly, we definitely still have things to work on but I think this is a major break and I’ve practically been a happy man for 2-3 days now.
Of-course, I’ve been grateful to God, there was some shame anyway… you know, during the height of the pressure, I wasn’t characteristically very Godly, evil suggestions easily roamed my mind, phew! all because I was unhappy… quite shameful, I must agree, and then a sister says “I love you too” and I light up like a generator. God really has patience, He is merciful and kind, isn’t He?
Anyway, I look forward to peak devotion again, I feel the grace of God working in my heart and I’m glad to be restored, I guess this is what inspired the poem. Please check my next post.
