I’m suffocating in my own space
Trapped in it’s sheer vastness;
I’ve framed with many dreams, walls of a kind,
But they are far too porous with so many doors,
Behind which are just more questions.
So I’m groping to steady myself in the darkness,
And all I am catching is thin air.

I could live-on on the brink of true experience
Imprisoned by my slumber and afraid to snap out
Of this nightmare of spiritual death.
Or I could just ask The One who claims
That He can turn on The Light.

© 2010, Poem by Tee Akindele

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
2Co 5:17

Unfortunately for some who have received Christ, they struggle with believing that God has forgiven them, especially if they find it hard to forgive themselves or if some other people wouldn’t forgive them.

Repentance can be even more difficult. Repenting from sin implies turning away from the sinful act with the intention of never doing it again. It’s easier to tell your self , or spouse, or parents, or children, that you’ll never do something again, but with God, it is probably not usually simple to just say: “God I’ll never ever do that again”. I guess that’s because understandably, sin is usually that thing which we don’t love to do anymore and don’t want to do, but may sometimes find ourselves doing anyway.

Sometimes we feel we sin because we do not have time to think or consider our options. Most of the time, we may have impulsively said something rash in anger, back-bit, or told a little lie just before we realise, with disappointment in ourselves, that we have sinned already. With other kinds of sin, like sexual immorality and similar lusts we may try to convince ourselves that we are giving vent to natural feelings or desires, as if the fact that sin comes naturally to us can make it legitimate.

Geniuine repentance is difficult or impossible if we do not reckon on the grace of God. God never gave anyone an injunction never to sin, save that which he has backed up by His grace.

For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.
Php 2:13

It is by the grace of God that we are what we are, or do what we ought to do. Living the Christian life of victory over sin, is our gift in Christ Jesus. We are not struggling to impress God, but rather His grace challenges us to reckon our selves dead to sin and alive unto righteousness. So that when we are tempted or confront sin, we can know that the power we excercise NOT TO SIN, is not in ourselves but in the grace of God in Christ.

Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.
Romans 6:11-14

Sin is beneath the Christian. Christ went through too much to make us holy instruments of His righteousness. Let there be no excuses, every little sin is big enough to spoil our testimony, even if it is one done in our closets. There is no pleasure in sin for the born-again man, only shame and power loss.

Devotional Prayer

Lord, I know that my victory over sin and sinful habits is not by my own making. I am determined to shun the lusts in my heart and to overcome my weaknesses because your grace has given me victory over sin. I pray you continually use me as an instrument of your righteousness and help me to take daily advantage of your grace, so that I can live in victory and my life can be to you a sweet-smelling living sacrifice.

I would never have taken that first step
When he called: “I am the Lord, come out to me”
But then my little boat was against the storm no help
It would eventually have given me up to the depths of the sea.

And so like a man with neither hope nor anything else to loose
“I’m just a poor sinner” was all I could think.
How could I this grand offer then refuse?
I stepped into the water, hardly expecting not to sink.

I couldn’t trust myself but strangely this stranger did
He said “come!”, Come … on the raging sea?
Was He a ghost or really a savior I wondered?
Well, He had power and that I could see.

Where my faith failed His rescue arms supported me
Hallelujah! This is my testimony today;
I’d never again fear the storms of life’s sea
I‘ve known one who is greater, one who they obey:

… He rides the storms and commands the raging billows;
Jesus was a stranger, now He means to me much more
-In Him I have forgotten the fears of tomorrows-
Captain of my ship, my God and everlasting Savior.

© 2003, Tee Akindele

Apparently mere will always will miserably fail
There’s war in my members, I feel so terribly frail
Can I truly be stripped of this self… this my garment?
At passion girded within my very bosom I anxiously lament!

Argh! disharmony is the name of my sickness
My spirit makes claims, my brain spins, my soul is just restless
Alas! recklessness rather than grace makes me bold
I labor so hard to feel… my heart has gone cold.

Oh Lord! rescue me before I wither away
From my lack of peace, I can tell of my heart’s sway
I no longer neglect to pray: Father keep me from temptation;
Hasten to replenish… bring me again to my completion.

A sinner saved by grace… I acknowledge my acceptance
Help me to be willing, obedient, strong… to exercise patience
Take my guilt, my shame, my weakness… take all control
Sweet Holy Spirit, comforter, restore my soul.

©2010, Tee Akindele

We require an absolute. If we don’t find one, we make one or fake one

A strange idea coming from our background of mythological reasoning has infused into our worship and appreciation of God. As a result, our worship deeply reflects this thinking that God is too superior to be accountable. It also affects our interpretation of certain aspects of the bible and our faith life. Up to a point were people believe that whatever happens in life (particularly bad stuff) cannot be questioned because it is by God’s hand. The assumptions made in some of this contexts, barely fall short of indicting God with being unfaithful and irresponsible, only to excuse Him by concluding, “who are we to question the Almighty God“.

I see in this a subtle, yet, big misconception. God’s character is a far cry from the the tyrannical leadership of the earthly kabiyesis. We are erroneously comparing God to human kings who were not as smart, honest, generous or powerful as their followers wished they were. Like every human, they made mistakes often, passed wrong judgments from time to time, and were easily overcome by their own greed. The myth of the Infallibility of royalty was a necessary psychological tactic, amidst of other tyrannic concoctions, to hide their shortcomings and keep people under control.  It gave them a place to hide from questions they could not answer. It also provided for the people, unreal as it was, a vital imaginary absolute to believe in. In deed, all that these kings had more than their followers was the superiority of status, the Kingship. But you see God doesn’t use all that drama and theatrics at all.

I’m yet to find a place in scripture where it is said that God is unquestionable simply because He is superior in status. That would just out-rightly contradict his other attributes of love, grace and mercy. God is highly, loftily superior to man, but other than that, it is His literal lack of capacity to lie, to make a mistake, to cheat, to be unfaithful, to be unaware, to be deceived; His moral perfection and uprightness, that is His unquestionable quality. In essence, God is unquestionable, if I may say, because of His excellent character and faithfulness, not merely because of His excellent status.

God is accountable and responsible

God has earned His place as the unquestionable king, by being true to His word for thousands of generations. God does not terrorize us to silence, He wins our confidence with a faithful love and care. God is accountable to His word. He would never act contrary to it. You now see why He is so different from our earthly kings, because, He honors His word more than His name.

God is not a tyrant. He is a responsible and compassionate teacher and leader. He expects us to ask questions, that’s why He has given us His word and the Holy Spirit. God expects us to query our circumstances, our lives, our fears and our doubts with His word. You don’t have to fall for the devil’s deception anymore, to think: “there is no use asking God, He is unquestionable!”. No, God has given ample responsible answers in His word, and guides us by His spirit. Halleluyah!

So when next you sing “Kabiyesi, you are the Lord!”, sing with this understanding. The one who answers by a record of faithfulness and has never been faulted, whose reputation has never been questionable is our Kabiyesi.